I think full remembrance is very important, Mako, to fully understand what happened and how what happened manifests in how you react to the world today.
A big surrender moment for me lately is realizing just how controlling I am, which was an upsetting realization for me because I absolutely hate feeling controlled. My parents were extremely controlling and manipulative to get others to act and do exactly what they wanted to them to do. I tried to stay on their paths of wants and needs, desperately trying to look ahead and anticipate what they were wanting, so I could fulfill it and avoid the wrath. (my sister took the opposite path by rebelling) At the same, I bristle when I feel controlled by others at all, even times when I realize that often they are probably just trying to be helpful to me.
I realize now that my big need to predict the future or constantly planning ahead is really a control issue that just sets me up for frustration and resentment when I do not allow for flexibility. I am trying to use my emotions now as a compass to becoming "aware." I can't fix or change a problem, until I am aware of what the problem is in my life.
On a housekeeping note _ I understand that this part of SR is not frequented as much as the other parts. I want to give others a chance to join in and share their experiences without quickly jumping to the next step. I want to allow at least a week for each step and give even maybe more time to a step that seems to render a lot of feedback. I will try to start a thread for the next ACoA step every Saturday, unless we seem to need more time for a particular step.
Please, others, feel free to join us and let's help each other heal!