Birthdays suck
Today is my birthday, tomorrow is Mother's Day, and Tuesday is my wedding anniversary. I just want them all to be over. And, now I'm feeling guilty because AH has been relatively nice to me.
Originally I told the family that I wanted to go hiking up north in red rock country, which is about 1.5 hrs away. I was feeling sick to my stomach last night knowing that I'd be stuck in the car with AH that long and then have to deal with him while hiking, too. He's usually either stone cold silent and won't respond to conversation or he's amicable but turns into a bit of jerk, telling me how I should pick my way over the rocks this way(not that way), or how I should put the dog in a sit...over and over and over....etc. I got so stressed out about it that I told the family this AM that I wasn't feeling 100% and didn't want to go.
My son was disappointed but, for me, this was a way for me to cut my time spent with AH down since we're all going to dinner anyway. When I had sent AH an email about what I wanted to do for my birthday, trying to be amicable and just expressing my needs and what I wanted, he responded back and said, "Sounds fine." I wasn't exactly getting a warm fuzzy from him.
And my final depressing moment came last night when I saw that he had purchased a cake for my birthday. He knows that I'm cutting out sugar, he knows that both ds and I have been gluten free for 2 months now. I know that his intentions were good and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I really don't want a piece of that cake. I get that he was trying and I appreciate that, but I have no idea how to communicate my needs more clearly. My email specifically said, "Hey, I want to go to Sedona for a hike, have lunch up there, and then come home and do dinner out and we can all pick our desserts. I also just need a new hand mixer since mine broke if you guys need gift ideas."
So, I woke up this morning with a feeling of dread. I can't wait for the next few days to be over!