Originally Posted by
lizatola 
I think what threw me for a loop this past week was that a few months ago I swore I'd stay single for the rest of my life and that I didn't want to have anything to do with men EVER again. And, all of a sudden I find myself fantasizing? What the h*ll? Again, that's the reason I posted here and I will be speaking to my sponsor and therapist later this week, too. Just like with an addiction, better to nip it in the bud now, right?
Liz, I am divorcing. When I asked him to move out, I really honestly felt the way you use to feel. No way in hell did I want another man! I did recognize that that would likely change BUT I had no intention of dating for a few years (until I finished the grad degree I'm just starting to work on.) Now, here I am, less than 2 weeks until my divorce is final and I
want to date. Like
now, lol.
I think we want to know that we are desirable to someone else. We need the confirmation that we are likable/lovable. And, if we're not getting that affirmation at home, it's the natural inclination to want to seek it elsewhere.
Do you think the real issue is that you haven't made a true commitment to stay in your marriage but instead tricked yourself into thinking you have? These are rhetorical questions but what are your reasons for staying, and what are the reasons that you want to go? Do you think you can realistically stay in your marriage and be a good wife for the next 10, 20, 30 years? Maybe it's time to reevaluate your reasons again?
As everyone else has said, while you are still with your AH, developing a friendship with another man is a slippery slope and in the end, will only complicate things (and give you more work to do down the road.)