I met hank when I was still married.
mike and I had been together for 14 years, the latter 7 of those years married. I realized getting married was a mistake ON my wedding day. but what was done was done. and we had a good life. he was a good man. and it provided a stable environment for my daughter who I co-parented with her dad, my first husband.
but I knew I wanted OUT. I planned and plotted. but she was in parochial school thru 8th grade, then on to private girls' high school and I didn't want to disrupt that. then it was time to consider college, and I didn't want to disrupt that either. 7 years, til she got IN to college for me to truly consider leaving.
and I WAS leaving. it was a matter of timing....I kept a spreadsheet that listed the needs of him staying in the house and being able to pay for all the bills and for me to live somewhere else and be ok. so the plan was made...it was a matter of putting it in to action.
and then I met hank. on my birthday, when my husband out of town for business. I had NO plans of meeting some new GUY and heading off into happily ever after. (nor am I in anyway justifying what truly is unacceptable behavior!!!!!) but our paths crossed, and I took him home with me and we spent the weekend together. and then he left. and that was supposed to be that.
but I kept thinking of how I felt sitting on my couch watching football with a virtual stranger, sharing a can of chili and feeling more relaxed and more MYSELF then I had in YEARS. like decades.
and I knew without question IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO GO.
I met hank on oct 27 and I was moving OUT on jan 12. hank was not my REASON for leaving, but he served as the catalyst..held open a door or a window and said LOOK outside, thee is a whole life you are missing out on. I didn't leave so I could BE with hank....I left because I absolutely HAD to for my own life.
when we exist in a space that does not enhance and support who WE are, when we live in a situation where we cannot be yourself but instead act out acceptable roles, when the person we share our life with is not who we WANT to share OUR life with (but instead share THEIR life), then we live in a prison....a prison of spirit. and often, more often than not, THEY did not lock us in.........WE DID.
liz - maybe this isn't about HIM, the new 1300 mile away guy....but maybe it's about LIZ...liz having adult discussion about a variety of stimulating topics, being allowed to speak.....and being HEARD. maybe THAT is the hook.......not him, but YOU.....