Maybe it is a good reminder that staying in an unhappy relationship will take away any chance at a happy one or a happy single life. I have followed your story, but I do not really understand why you stay. It all sounds stressful and unstable, so tbh, I am impressed that it took you this long to start imagining something else. Not that I think you should act on it and create a mess, but I think as a reminder it’s good because you need to remind yourself that relationships are meant to feel good...*hugs*
I am saying this as someone who is in a new relationship after the alcoholic. I had forgotten how nice and comfortable and stress-free it can be.