I'm struggling ... but still sober.
I hyperventilated after a meeting today (but no one saw) and then burst into tears.
I know I have to change...but I don't know if I can. I take doing everything to help people at work real seriously...but it means I take on to much...which puts me in danger of collapsing and drinking....ok I know that's an excuse. But I have to find a way to stop taking on the "elephant".
I talked to mom a bit (trying to down play how hard it is cause she doesn't need that). I'm going to go to chat and try to vent a bit.
My house is clean and I'm sober. I just get scared I won't be able to keep this going. My professors are supportive of how hard things are work wise, but as a professional I try to be sure I don't lean too heavy on them.
I just keep coming back to this feeling like a moral issue that I'm somehow being a wooze. I don't know....I'm confused.
For tonight ... I've put my car keys in my son's hands (which he doesn't need to deal with) and I'm gonna try and decompress. I think I may be the oldest of us. I've been fighting this a long time and I'm not willing to go down again.
I still have health issues even when I'm sober (as I know others of you do). feeling sorry for myself won't help. I need to buck up and do the deal (put my big girl pants on).
I guess I just have to MAKE A DESISION to NOT DRINK...no matter what. That seems to be the bottom line.
Sorry to whine, but better to whine the actually go to the liquor store! I think I'm safe for tonight, but really worried about doing this deal long term
