Cureav,
I am also an ACA. I had a multitude of problems in my young life, mostly relationship ones.
When I was in cosmetology school, another student and I bonded so well, and one day she asked me if I was a child of alcoholics, and I said yes. She shared that she felt we bonded so easily because she was a recovering alcoholic, and we 'spoke the same language'. understood each others feelings and so forth. She introduced me to the world of recovery for ACA's, and I went to the meetings and worked the steps.
I grasped the knowledge with excitement! I found out that I wasn't crazy, but that anyone who had grown up as i did would have a lot of the same problems I did. I found out how to work on me. I found out my worth. I was able to work on forgiving my parents. I was so thankful to learn about how alcohol had affected me, and how to stop hurting myself with bad choices-i.e., looking for approval, love, attention, proof that I had value.
I wanted to share it with my siblings. this is when I learned that you can lead an ACA to help, but you cannot make them want it.
It is sort of like an alcoholic. they have to want it. I know my siblings had hurt enough to want things to be better, but for some reason, they took no responsibility for their bad choices.
I still do not understand why someone would not want to get better. I tried and that is all I can do. I do share with my children and sometimes talk about how I know that some things I do (that might be a problem for them) are directly related to my insecurities and lack of good boundaries.
I love Melody Beatys Codependent No More.. it has helped me a lot. Back then I read a lot of ACA focused books.
good luck, and take care of yourself. that is all you can do, and being happy yourself will speak louder to your family than anything you can say to them.