For all our lost children:
~ Child Within ~
The child in her once again surfaced as she sat staring out the window into space. She took no notice though, her focus was lost out in the realm of possibilities. The familiar feeling of depression settled in around her like an old blanket, almost comforting in a peacefully sad sort of way, reminiscent of days spent sick, resting on the couch with mediocre T.V. movies playing all day long. Restful misery. She hardly sees the gray sky any longer her thoughts are gone so far into dreams of the future, and holding mindlessly onto the past she wanders onward, only to find herself chained to her fears and insecurities. The child in her begins to cry, curled into a tight ball in her stomach - her heart is heavy with the loss of something unknown. Innocence perhaps, or something deeper. She has become lost, wandering aimlessly, unable to commit to a path, or even to not committing, leaving all avenues open and taking none, stuck at a crossroads, moving only with her eyes. She wants to escape, to be free of her self-made prison, to run away, wondering and hoping that maybe the next place she goes will hold some enlightening answer to her unasked questions. Praying for a miracle, and not believing. Forgetting to travel to the one place she is farthest from - Afraid to go within, to trust, to feel, her self.
Eventually she returns to reality, eyes refocus on the moment. Misery and fear once again squashed into submission, all but forgotten yet lingering like a plague on her soul, slowly eroding her joy, her love, of life. And reappearing in nightmares, haunting that child within.
~ Adriyel Paymer ~