Opi, when he has money, as he does this week, he drinks almost constantly. He is on the internet, I know he watches porn and is probably addicted(though he calls it art)
He will drink til he wants to nap, then gets up and does it again. He stays in his room, unless I am gone. he is loopy almost anytime I have to speak to him. and tries to not sound it.
I smell beer, and there is a carryout within a stones throw from us. he made money helping a friend clean up his parents house when they moved and sold it. he will drink til it is gone.
I know he has anxiety, it runs in our family. Opi, I wish he would get some counsel, and maybe they help, but he wants the" good" pills, I believe,-opiates- and gets angry if anyone mentions antidepressants.
I am trying to detach. I dont ask him not to drink anymore. it is useless. I thought about waiting til he is out of money, and not drinking, and I want to ask him how he wants his funeral to be. where he wants to be buried, and perhaps I should take out some insurance on him. He just seems to be in his own world, happy when he is loopy.
funny, but I've seen him go for almost a year without drink. he got so much better, during that time. more social with the family, and actually planning things, or at least thinking about how futile planning is for him, in this economy. He is very loved by family. He was always a sweet little guy,, sort of like Luke Skywalker, in his manner and looks. it is heartbreaking to see him just drinking every day. I know he is depressed about his life, lost girlfriend years ago, now, and no good job prospects. He always thought he was going to get that fantastic computer job, he thought he did not need a degree, (besides, that would have taken away from his role playing games online, and whatever else.) he always has had things he wants to do with his time, on the computer. his dad even plays games with him online. neither one is thoughtful of anyone else, actually.
i do need the al-anon. I have tried for too long to do something myself. I give up.
Fandy, yes, I sure have missed out on some things. I cannot have my home like I want it. my computer/art room is his room now. I would not dare have a guy over for dinner. I cannot even have my grandbabies over for weekends now, when he is drinking i dont trust him not to make a scene.
I am tired. but thankful for SR. I have taken too long, or maybe it is as it had to be, for me to get desperate. I kept trying to believe him, you know?