Thank you, keepingthefaith. You are very helpful. I have been thinking that the obvious thing, Al-anon, is what I need to be doing for me. I have called 911 before, and I will again, if I need to. The last time, the officer seemed quite educated about alcoholism, and enabling.
My son had issues of some sort, before the drinking, but they were more like anxiety, and/or attention deficit. He would get a job, lose it, and the most important thing in the world to him is his computer. always was. he has friends all over the world, he is active in the political ' discussions' , i guess you would say. he also donates his time helping people with computer problems.
he has never been independent, though he will argue that...crazy. he has no car now. does not work enough to pay for one. He gets a job , gets paid, spends the money on beer, and then when he calls off, (everyone does it!, he says) he gets canned or just does not show up, knowing he is going to get canned. this has gone on for the last three years I have been letting him stay here.
I have talked to the county mental health board, and he could get counsel, if he would agree. his pride wont let him, he isn't ready , I guess.
I will not give up, if it means I should only focus on myself, that is what I will do. I think Al-anon will give me needed strength. I realize something must change-that is why I am so depressed about it recently. facing reality is hard, especially when it is your adult child. I have a lot to learn myself.
thank you so much.