View Single Post
Old 04-25-2014, 03:26 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
glasshalffull
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 19
Thank-you for your replies.

I seem to get one or two weeks sobriety before cracking. I get so wound up, stressed, that I end up drinking ( well, I get the craving and seeing my wife drink, I think, 'what the hell').

It got so bad recently when my work was in overload, that I was waking at 5am with tension headaches. Only aspirin and lying still for 2-3hrs would get rid of the constant pain. I hung in there sober till the work deadlines had passed and then drank like a fish.

I have been using Antibuse to put on the brakes. That works until I basically pre-meditate a drink and stop taking it.

I have been reading a lot about the plasticity of the brain, how we can change behaviours.

For me it seems to be a slow process. I got really bad about 2 years ago, which was 2 years into regular drinking aft 5 years abstinance. That 5 years was when my wife was pregnant and looking aft youngsters. Both of us stopped. I needed help from AA for a while till I realised my fear was depression.

I first went to the fellowship when 21 and it did help me grow up in a lot of ways. The most vital thing that AA taught me was keeping a clean slate with people and to seeking to understand. When I still get wound up about someone else's behaviour, this works.

The rest of it no longer works for me.

At least now most of the time I want to be alcohol-free, and succeed. But that is not enough for me - I know long-lasting sobriety is the only way.

Part of the problem is that cravings return, the anti-depressants are now a problem for me (the side affects of weight gain, excessive sweating and stomach upset) and I've had enough of them.

So I know this all probably sound like a mess, and it no doubt is. I see a doctor regularly and a shrink occasionally, but neither seem to be up to date as I am on the latest studies on addiction. And I'm only as well- read on the subject as a google search...

I do see a way ahead, and I just need to make the changes for it to take effect. I see regular exercise, meditation, mindfulness and regular reading on addiction (visiting this forum lots and reading research papers) as being a core on which I hope to build long-term sobriety.

In the short-term, I want to try Bac and I will stay on the anti-depressants till I am strong enough to get off them.

BTW, It has taken me this long to see the irony in my user name... Oh dear.

Thank-you all for letting me drop in and get some help here.
glasshalffull is offline