Originally Posted by
lizatola 
My AH claims one of our big problems is that I don't respect him. I don't show him respect and since I won't communicate with him (other than stuff about basic living and house stuff), he thinks I'm being rude and disrespectful. He sees my detachment as inconsiderate and passive aggressive.
Honestly, I can see his point so I know I need to look at myself and take that opportunity to be a bit more introspective. And, to be honest again, I don't respect him and I don't trust him but I think it all comes down to respect.
What is your experience with respect and the A? What did they have to and what did you have to do to get that back? Of course, some may never find that respect again and that's part of what life looks like with an A, right?
What an excellent question!!!!
I personally find it impossible to give people respect they do not deserve...
Depending on the relationship - personal (and just
how personal), professional, family, etc. - I can be polite/professional/cordial or whatever the situation calls for so that the drama factor does not get out of control (who wants extra drama???). I can even have empathy and compassion for them - but that does not mean I excuse their behavior or think I should put up with it. I will say that LIVING with my husband does present the biggest challenge to me maintaining politeness. I am not always polite with him. I am not always
nice, to be real.
Respect is something that I base on how someone treats not just me but people in general. I have no respect for people who are consistently bullies or abusive or disrespectful/inconsiderate to others for no apparent reason other than just being too self absorbed to be any other way.
That goes for anyone, not just alcoholics.
This is the short, simplified version of what I think about this topic.
Peace.