I have been beating myself up for even marrying someone who showed red flags from the very beginning. I beat myself up for being so naive and stupid to think that people grow up and change.
Very familiar thoughts. In addition, I felt like
because I had been naive and stupid, I had to ride it out no matter how hard it got. Because I'm a big believer in accepting the consequences of your actions.
(And then it got to the point where I was like, never mind what I believe about taking responsibility for your choices -- I would like to live, not just survive, thank you very much...)
I lost all respect for AXH long before I left him. Your story is painfully familiar. I think your AH is right. You don't respect him. He has given you absolutely no reason to.