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Old 04-24-2014, 08:01 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
MissFixit
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Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
To answer a question above about whether I ever respected him. I think I did at one time but I know there was always my own passive aggressive thoughts towards him for years once our son started into toddlerhood. I never dealt with any of it and I allowed myself to mother my AH and enable him and in the end, I wound up not being able to find respect for a man who sat in front of the TV from 3 PM to midnight and expected to get laid after I took care of everything else and was exhausted by 8 PM. Things eroded a long time ago, probably years before our son was born, I just was in my own denial and didn't see it.
An older woman friend of mine told me that in order for a marriage to survive and thrive long term there needed to be mutual respect and admiration for one another. (She has been married three times and the third is ongoing to a former childhood love. Lots of experience there.) She told me this when I was with my exA and struggling to come to terms with his alcoholism and immature ways.

In my current relationship I respect him as a person much more than my ex. I also respect and admire what he has achieved and continues achieving.

Did you two decide who has what duties in the relationship or did it evolve de facto? For example does he see his work and paycheck as him meeting his responsibilities in the relationship, but you are responsible for all home stuff? Did you guys agree to that set up if that is what happens?

We (me and current bf) talk through who does what and what we each want/need. Both of us are pretty independent so when we came together we already were taking care of ourselves completely (I think this might be something more common in later in life relationships).
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