This is my answer--for me--and each may interpret as it works or doesn't work for them--
I am currently thinking back on my life. I am remembering a time when I had the utmost respect for myself. I know I am *lower* than I used to be. This makes me feel that I am spinning my wheels, and am "losing" the day to day and year to year struggle to be happier and have self-respect.
I think when life gets worse instead of better, or just gets a little better from horrible but nowhere near a past time of happiness, and we remember a time when life was A LOT better, that we can be helped by looking backwards to that time, and assessing what is different within ourselves.
Hopefully everyone has a time that they can look back to where they felt sure of themselves, or this idea is useless, and in that case each has to build themselves from the bottom up to a *new* person.
What I'm trying to convey here is my thought process about respect, and I find it is anchored WITHIN, not in circular debates with another person.
When I can feel self-respect, or, lacking that, remember when I had self-respect, the question of whether or not I am respecting others is crystal clear.
When my boundaries are strong, I don't need to second guess myself. With self-respect there is no question of whether I am respecting others, because my personal boundaries and personal respect being intact shows me the truth, the path, and I need not question myself this way.
And when I have that self assured thought process and my dignity intact, I can simply say BS! to bogus claims from somebody else not getting what they want.
I KNOW then whether I am respecting someone else...here's a key...when I have self-respect- respect for others is part of that package, because there's no separating my self-respect and the action of respecting others.
Part of HAVING self-respect is the action of respecting others, in that it is a natural occurrence that we respect others when our own dignity is intact.
Where's your internal anchor? Rock within?
The goal for me is to work on lifting myself up until I am SO SURE of my own self-respect, therefore my respect for others, that it is beyond question most of the time...and it would be-- under those circumstances-- an unusual occurrence that my respect for another would come into question.
There was a time when I didn't question myself, and I was happy, and I look back and yes-I did respect others also. I was not confused. I was strong, others thought so too and told me so, and others looked up to me. I have lost some of that. I am going to get back to that place.