Doc...
I had a friend, Cecelia, and when she found her husband had been fooling around with "Frankie", a woman singer in a band her husband was part of, for an extended period of time...and Cecelia even caught clamidia thro' this "singer"....it was more than problmatic for their marriage (with 2 beautiful young boys). They sought Christian counsel, and one thing they did to help resolve the communication rift (anger, hurt) was to instead of talk directly with the intense emotions involved....they left notes for one another to express feeling that were probably so powerful that to talk back and forth directly would prove too "activating", whilst the objet of the hostility staring them in the face. It helped alot to difuse the stuff slowly...it worked.....the relationship survived, the family stayed intact ? A possibility for you and your wife ???
Miso & me