OH, Codejob---Your husbands display of utter disregard for your feelings is appaling! Not to mention, disrespectful to the others watching the verbal abuse. You must have felt soo humiliated! Why does he do this?? BECAUSE HE CAN!
Code--you are just as important as he or anyone else in this world. Your thoughts and feelings matter--you are important!!
Regatding the question about your son...here is my take on it: Regardless of how you handle it--I would say that it is of up most importance that he is not made to feel that he is responsible for what you do. He should not feel the weight of adult decisions on his shoulders. HOWEVER, it is important that he feel that someone cares about how he is feeling. That his feelings matter. There is a fine line, here. If it were me, I would let him know that you are concerned about the atmosphere in the house--and how does he feel? Personally, I would not talk to him about your actual decision until you know what it is yourself and you have, at least, some general plans in place.
In a perfect world--you and your husband would break the news of any actual decision, together. I do realize that sometimes this just isn't possible.
Children need to feel that the parents in charge know what they are doing--that the parent is the CAPTAIN OF THE SHIP. Otherwise they feel very insecure about their fate.
(we parents often have to fake it--in that respect).
This is how I see it.....
Hope it helps, some...
dandylion