I too have been living this cycle and waiting for the reason to leave. Those reasons have come and gone and I'm still here. I'm mad at myself for not trusting myself to listen to my gut. I'm doing more of that now. And I am at the point where I really don't care what he does.
I am sad because this is not the married life I wanted but I'm enjoying my time with my kids and the time I spend by myself. I too have the dream of living in a peaceful space with my kids and animals.