I've rarely cried. I adapt. That is not a good thing. Learn, grown, keep learning. To adapt skewed my viewpoint of what is normal, that it isn't that bad yet (as so many others), that I was the odd one among most our friends and family and he was more sane than I - I knew that wasn't true and yet I adapted right along to where I was believing in my heart the opposite of what logic would tell me. Just as alcoholism is a chronic progressive disease, so is codependency. For both: first comes denial, then when we face up to it comes the lie that we can handle it by ourselves. Active recovery with
the help of others who understand this disease and the subsequent other problems involved can turn things around. It isn't instant. It takes a lot of work.
Talking to my husband never did any good. He said it did, but it never changed anything. When things started to change were fully from me working on myself. I was honest with him about his drinking for a long time, and that was good. Yet emotions never helped, pleading, talking, asking, etc. The alcoholic brain doesn't think logically at all. When I started changing, that changed everything. He could see it and feel it. More importantly, so could I.
This book is for verbal and emotional abuse:
Respect Me Rules
There are other books available regarding physical abuse. For ANY kind of abuse, call the domestic violence hotline any time:
1-800-799-7233
http://www.thehotline.org/
Also look up info for local women's advocacy groups or shelters. They often have free group sessions and/or personal counseling.
With any of this, try not to look for the ways your situation is different. I learned the most when I took nuggets of wisdom on even the smallest similarities. Wishing you the very best. It's so good that you're aware there is a problem. As you learn, be open and listen to your gut. Trust your instincts. If you're unsure, that's okay.
(((hugs)))