Hi! Thankyou for the warm welcomes! I have def read and re read the stickies and some of the regular posts in the alcohol, substance and families of abusers thread after paying on here.
I def have not yet gotten to the point where I'm crying every night. But I did notice that something is very off as you said. I'm going to try and sit with him today and see if he will agree to try out a meeting.
I know he knows he has a problem and I know he will not change until a light bulb goes off in his head.
When he drinks he is really happy and loving but he gets tired easily. My father is a mean drunk and my fiance is horrified at much of what goes on. But I think at the same time they both drink non stop once they start. If my fiance doesn't drink at all he is fine of course but my family in general drinks a lot. My mother isn't an alcoholic but she is an enabler and I realize I am too now.
I feel a bit scared bc many of the threads were about the spouse/so leaving the addict even though they loved him/her.
Overall I feel like we are positive forces in each others lives so far in that he got me to really consist getting out there and pursue my dreams. And he said that his life has improved since moving in with me. He is pursuing his goals too and he is on the right track with work. Yet, those things can stop very quickly if his drinking keeps going.
I don't think it has gotten to that point but I can see the two paths in his life: one with alcohol and one without.
And if he chooses alcohol then I'm well aware that he can not choose me.
I did find some great resources looking around like the five stages of recovery and I found some work sheets.
I am kind of confused however bc on one hand you have to work towards goals and on the other hand you have to let the addict come to their own realization. I want to sit him down and go over a pros and cons list of drinking but mostly I want to go to a meeting. I'm scared bc neither of us are religious though I guess you could say we are spiritual. However, I think that going to the meetings would be beneficial to him.
I Am really looking forward to professional help and one of the threads said not to wait to get help. Seems obvious but here I am not having gotten any help thus far!
I really want to work on this with him. I Am aware of the trend of alcoholism and abuse in my life and know I need to work on it in order to deal with it. The abuse threads resonate with me very loudly and I hate to say it but I expected it.
THe Co dependency thread was much more intense than I have experienced but it is good to be aware. Maybe it is because we are good at fixing problems like budgeting and chores but this alcohol addiction is out of my league.
And I did cry when I read the replies to this thread. You hinted at some thing I suspected/knew about the dysfunction of the Situation and gave me resources I could use. It's nice to know that I'm not truly alone in this.