findingmyself, I read this in the humor section of the May issue of the Grapevine, the AA monthly magazine: Despite sometimes having an arrogant exterior, an alcoholic is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring. However, these feelings don't usually involve anyone else.
My A and I both laughed when I read it out loud to him, but yes, he DID laugh harder than I did...2 different viewpoints of the same experience.
I have no sage words for you, but I do wish you strength and clarity and send you hugs in your frustration.