On the one hand I feel like I should attend the Friday evening event as usual, and not let him scare me...or rule my life, right? On the other hand, he isn't stable, and I have no idea what is going on in his head. I honestly thought I was no longer in it. If I don't attend, he might likely show up there then here at my house...just to prove I am not there at the gallery and then he would say see I told you so. That is how his mind thinks. No matter what I would do he will twist it, so there is no sense trying to do this or that. I sorta just have to carry on as usual and then hope he is just all words and stays away. I can't leave and stay elsewhere, there is no one to look after my dogs and horses while I would be gone.
The whole thing is just really weird. He has hurt me enough times in a fit of fury that yeah, I have fears of my safety. Do I think he would show up and just shoot me or something, no, not really. I am really at a loss, here. The poem was called A Vampire's Valentine, I dunno who wrote it...sorry moderators I can't bring myself to look it up, but apparently its supposed to be about eternal love. I dunno whether to be touched but stay leery or what. I just DON't KNOW. I am pretty freaked out. I know it would be futile idiocy on my part to believe he finally saw the light, got help, got meds, got sober and is f&#$#@% normal. It just makes me really really really sad. Again.