RAH One Year Sober
Well he made it. I am proud of him. He insists it is not a big deal So I refrained from renting a huge sign in our yard. I gave him a rock indigenous to where we grew up. I picked out one that was purposely rough and not readily identifiable because I cannot read this guy and I pretty much feel like I am beating my head against rocks trying to get him to be emotionally open with me. He did not recognize what it was so I picked well. I did not write a card bc he would have questioned my note. Just a token that we come from the same place - More than I ever understood before.
So as I hit my year, I am not stagnant. I've been posting my Step 4 experience in that section. I am not at peace in my relationship. I am not at peace with the decision to walk away yet either. I can't fix it. My RAH holds the communication, the intimacy and the emotional openness I would like to rebuild. He refuses marital counseling and individual too. When I reach out I steadily get rebuffed. I can't figure things out on my own so I just turning my focus back to me. I would like to be on Step 9 by Christmas. I think that is feasible as my Step 4 resentments appearto be creating a Step 8 list for me. I am thinking about increasing my counseling and I think my sponsor has arrived. Maybe as I get to amends and releasing my faults, I will have the peace of mind to let go and move on with just butterflies in my stomach instead of abject fear.