Sometime back, I came to this forum for support. My boyfriend at the time was drinking and smoking weed a lot, he had also started doing cocaine. I was absolutely exhausted. I didn't understand how he could ruin our lives.
He is sober now.
I don't worry about how he could ruin our lives anymore. Because there isn't very much he could do to ruin mine. My identity and worth is not connected to my relationship with him. After being on this forum and going to a few meetings. Talking with a therapist. I took a break from taking care of him.
I went to visit old friends in Europe. I walked down some amazing beautiful streets for the summer. I ate a lot of good food. I started to run again. I hurt my knee. I stopped running.
I started yoga. I like my job okay, I hope to change that in the near future. I changed and am happier/more honest with myself.
We got married a few months ago and bought a house. He has a new job and new friends. I think he is doing okay. There are small moments when I worry that he might want to start using drugs again. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about that. Right now, he is a good husband and friend. I love him very much. If that road comes, it will be his to travel alone.
I wanted to say I am grateful for the advise from everyone. Reading the threads made me realize I wasn't alone. My experience wasn't so unique.