I guess it's because he needs me that he plays nice when his real intention is to use at his next available moment. What's really difficult is knowing that nothing good will come by being with him but essentially being trapped for the moment. I tried to leave him behind and I couldn't. He pleaded for one more chance and swore that moving would set him free. His idea of doing well for himself is not smoking crack. He can function when he's not smoking crack. It's sad to have that to compare yourself to. Like, "Look how good I'm doing even though I'm using opiates, barbiturates, and marijuana habitually; I'm a different person, practically sober!" This man has lived this way for over a decade and pre crack, was a raging alcoholic. We get used to the behaviour thinking "I haven't tried this yet. One more shot." It shouldn't be my responsibility to get him in the door with a shrink and get him stabilized on some mood disorder meds. I've tried to get him on board at a halfway house and then in a sober living facility. Neither lasted a week. I packed him up, drove him, took off work to do so. I know I sound pathetic. I know I sound like a moron. But I'm sharing this in the hopes that someone will read it and something in the mind of the reader will click and they will walk away feeling empowered to do something different, comforted because they're in th Sam boat, or to reinforce the thought to never go back to that place if they have ever been there before. I just want out.