Originally Posted by
Wahine 
I was talking to my best friend today about divorcing the AH.She has always been there for me. She keeps saying I should wait it out, that things have gotten better (THEY have some). Ah did stop drinking for six months last year. But his behavior was worse. More arguing, mean And angry. After I called the police last year he hasn't touched me or the kids. I know she is worried I will have to move. We're neighbors. Moving is the one thing that has kept me from leaving. I hate for my kids to have to leave their home. It may be if I could wait he'll die. He is in poor health and drives drunk all the time. (That sounds so sick).I'm just so tired of the stress.
Hi Wahine, nice to meet you.
Can I ask (and I apologize if this has been brought up already, it just occurred to me that since I did not read responses before I replied this may have been addressed), is it possible that your friend/neighbor's advice to "wait it out" has more to do with her not wanting you to move away from her, and less to do with what you actually need to do for yourself and the kids? I'm not even implying or suggesting that she is being deliberately unhelpful or even harmful in her advice; she might simply be so worried about being separated from you that this is taking priority in her mind.
Also, you said that things had gotten better, and cited that he had stopped drinking for 6 months last year - I am assuming that you cited this as proof or as an example of things being better (or do you mean that since he "hasn't touched" you or the kids since the cops were called last year, that THAT qualifies as "better"?)? If that assumption is correct, I would then add: But, right after that, you mentioned how his behavior actually got WORSE. You mentioned calling the police, and the impression I get is that there was physical abuse? Even if it was verbal abuse severe and threatening enough that law enforcement was called to intervene, what is your honest opinion here? (You said he has not touched you or the kids; you did not say he has eased up on the attitude; so I am guessing here that he is still being nasty, just not physical. Please correct me if I am incorrectly filling in blanks.)
Forget what anyone else thinks either way. Forget trying to please others. If you did not have to worry about anything else, any other factors, what would your honest opinion be: Did things actually get better? Remember, "not drinking" does not automatically = Better. And not being physically abusive but continuing on with verbal and emotional abuse is not "good enough".
Or, if this is easier: if your story were told to you by someone else and they asked for your opinion, what would your opinion be? This may help you to detach from the confusion and emotions, and see things more clearly.
You said moving is the thing keeping you, and you would hate to move your kids. What specifically are your fears associated with this? List them for yourself, mentally or on paper. Then, ask yourself if any of your concerns are truly things that won't be OK with the passing of some healing time/hard work/planning/etc.
Alternatively, this might not be what is keeping you from leaving. If this is the case I am certainly not judging you. I am just trying to help you get to the bottom of things. If you have other fears that cause you so much anxiety that you feel you are not strong enough to face them, you might use not wanting to move the kids as your Official Reason. Could this be happening, do you think?
Sending you wishes of peace and strength. I can definitely understand the anxieties associated with such a huge change. I need to leave my marriage myself, as a matter of fact. But, change can be a WONDERFUL thing, right?
Peace.