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Old 04-12-2014, 06:26 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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Originally Posted by CodeJob View Post

Around year 16 of my marriage we decided to file all of our long distance correspondence chronologically. So there is at least a paper box of it. Email was still intranet when we got together! Well I found the process sickening bc I could see by my H's handwriting that when he opened up he had probably been drinking. I could see I was hooking him and lying by omission. I could see this perfect relationship was not so perfect. THEN RAH started accusing me of sleeping with several males way back when we first started dating and we had not made a monogamous commitment yet. I was blindsided and could not figure out why my past which is pretty darn past was all of a sudden a huge argument. So I took the line - this is none of your business especially when I am committed marital partner here every day. But he just got more and more worked up claiming I was lying. I was flustered. We had several HUGE blow outs witnessed by DS. So fun to be called up by the Spanish Inquisition in front off your child.

When my future H came into my life, he was vague about our possible relationship so I was vague too! We were living in different states. I had a vague Guy that we had demoted our monogamous relationship to FWB. Though that term was not really around then. We both knew we were not marriage material as when we fought - we went for each other's throats. Although now I see at least I could express anger with him! I had an interested guy who I did not sleep with. I had a guy that had broken up with his forever GF that we messed around a bit but went back to just being friends. We never had sex. THEN I had another friend I felt sorry for so I had sex with him basically just to show him how. Lord how arrogant was that and I did it sober too! It took me awhile to clean these fellows out of my life. I was a Codie with boundary issues. I was a liberal woman with 5 guys on the line... It was a wall to make sure I did not fall in love and get abandoned again. However, when my future H and I did commit, I did it. I also moved which probably saved my butt from all these guys drinking at a pub and talking about me!

So 16 years later I could not remember how or exactly when I stopped all of the relationships. But I vaguely remembered an argument with future H and I had had then reflecting that he meant the most to me and started cleaning out my life... He wanted me to figure it out with dates! I adamantly refused and eventually he moved on to some other issue. To this day I have not completely figured it out! But heck yeah it took me a bit to wrangle. I was 22-23. I definitely lied by omission. But that sleeping dog(s) are sleeping! I imagine all of these fellows are just fine and I do not FB stalk them. I did not love them!

You know what I think now - RAH probably had a few women I don't know about. He poured some of his guilt down my gullet.

So let sleeping dogs lie. Ha ha!
Thank you for sharing.....Gave me the chills....its like I'm reading about my relationship now with my ex, although we are not currently communicating.....I exploded into a huge argument over the phone which ended with him hanging up on me, which was the best thing to do at that point. He is in rehab and the last thing he needed was that and I truly feel awful. We are both experts in going for the jugular with each other. He isn't the only one in recovery, I am too. Its time for me to start to "man-up" and take ownership of my feelings so i can be a better me! Thanks again!
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