Welcome kat,
you are not alone. You have a whole lot of folks here who know what you are feeling, and going through.
I am sorry. I have experienced those things at the hand of a bf/husband, and it is a lonely feeling.
Sometimes attention , even bad, keeps us from being 'alone' , but it is no way to be happy. You have to be your own best friend, and love yourself. Its hard, I know.
I hope you stick around... you will get much support here.