I don't know how I missed this thread the 1st time around, but I am finding it super helpful today. I've had anger issues popping up here & there - sometimes they are seemingly random & sometimes it's just a bigger volume of anger than necessary based on the situation.
This little gem right here sounds like the exact kind of realization I needed to make about my recognizing & managing my anger...
Originally Posted by m1k3
Anger is your alarm system, it lets you know something is wrong and in no uncertain terms. And just like an alarm, once it has your attention you turn it off and figure out what is wrong.
And I fully relate to this:
Originally Posted by Hopeworks
If I recall you are ACOA and as I have learned from my own childhood of alcoholic dysfunction we are stunted in this area because we are taught to stifle all anger so as not to enrage the beast within the family structure.
Learning how to deal with anger and channel it is an emotional IQ skill that we now have to figure out as adults... good topic for thought and reflection.
Personally I either repress anger and am calm and methodical but when I go over the edge I am scary...
I can't recall a single incident of expressing anger
in a healthy way as a child.
And thinking back over the most recent incidents of my anger bubbling up I can see that they all trace back to a different root.
I felt anger but it was really masking fear.
I felt anger but it was really reacting to a loss of control.
I felt anger but really I didn't know HOW I felt so I reverted to this in a self-preservation way to buy myself time to sort my feelings.
Not to say that ALL anger is disingenuine, there are times when it is appropriate & even necessary. I think Mike's alarm analogy will really help me to separate the "real" vs "fake" anger.
again, SR peeps!