Interesting questions, Andy. Please bear in mind that I am still getting to grips with this, so my views are in the process of being fine-tuned.
I don't see myself as having "something different" about me akin to the disease theory of alcoholism (which I have a problem with, btw). I see that I have a collection of behaviours, developed in childhood, that are no longer relevant to my adult relationships. These behaviours have meant that I lost myself along the way by focussing on other people, not just on the alcoholic in my life. Healthy boundaries were not part of my vocabulary and so I was putting up with behaviour that an emotionally healthy person would have walked away from long ago.
I do find it difficult to imagine that someone with healthy boundaries and a sense of self-worth would get involved with someone in active addiction. (I am talking here about knowing that someone is an active addict at the start, rather than addiction that develops later in the relationship).
When I first read "Co-dependent no more", it seemed like it was written for me. Almost word for word. I don't care whether other people believe that it is a bandwagon - learning about co-dependency and modifying my behaviour has transformed my life. That's all that matters to me.
Sorry, I'm rambling a bit here. Still getting my thoughts in line.
Great post, Gabe.
Love
Minnie
xxx