Originally Posted by
lizatola 
Hopeful, I like what LTD said too. Not only is it 'safe' to orbit around another person, I think I'm just plain old addicted to the drama. No matter how much effort I put into working on ME and focusing on fixing myself and my attitudes and perceptions, I still can look at HIM and point the finger. And, that's really where my problem lies. Until I work on the finger pointing and the self-righteousness that I must own(because it is mine), I will be stuck. I'm afraid to be on my own, especially financially. I'm also afraid that if I don't have AH around, I won't be able to escape into the finger pointing(for lack of better words; it's early and I'm struggling to find where I'm going here).
If AH lost his job tomorrow and drank/frittered your savings away, then how would feel about being on your own financially? From what you write (the trip with your son) he is a big spender with little regard to budgeting or realistic finances. Realistically (with my experience with a big spending A), it seems likely that money might become an issue in the future if you are together.
I understand the finger pointing. For me it lessens with time and with focus on myself (because I just don't care about what he does/did for the most part) However, I will always be able to say he drank, he lied, he spent, he did this or that. I was the "good" dutiful one. Yet, look where being the good one got me... Tying yourself forever to an A is a dangerous thing to do in my experience.