Well - he came to town today. We got a chance to talk. It was needed. He quacked and quacked - loving that new term!! On and on about how everyone judges him, this marriage has been terrible for years, no happy memories, blah blah blah.
The girlfriend who called me is now demanding his attention 24/7 and wants him to move in with him and have kids - she's only 30. I actually (excuse the language) f'in laughed out loud!! I don't think he thought it was as funny as I did. He went on to tell me she doesn't bring much to the table and she's getting on his nerves.
It actually was empowering for me to see him. He was obviously hungover - I swear had lost more weight, has a huge wound infection in one of his surgical sights - pretty hard to take care of yourself when he's been **** drunk since last Friday!
I am sure I can do this. He is very angry and he started to snap at me and I got up and walked away - he asked me where I was going and I said "I don't have to sit and listen to this anymore".
He said he texted me all week - I had blocked him and had no idea - he was surprised.
He did see the kids and we were very cordial in front of them - which is what they need - they are the big priority here!!
He left and is staying at his brothers. I'm sure he went and bought a case of beer on the way there. 5 minutes after he left, he texted me 'this sucks, I feel terrible'. No ****! And you should.
I texted him back "Thanks for talking today. Think it really helped. I've come to a conclusion .... I'm ok with you and her I guess - nothing I can do about it - I will move on too. It's not what I wanted, but I get you need what you need - and that's not me anymore. I know you don't need my permission - just Letting you know that if she's what you want - to move in, have kids, whatever - I will be fine eventually. Good that we didn't fight in front of the kids today. Have a good night"
And that is detaching. He will end up with this lowlife girl, living in her house - without a job, drinking himself to death and I don't care. I cried all week - but for some reason seeing him did something to me - almost made me stronger. For the first time in a long time, I feel in control.
I know he knows he f'ed up for good this time - shame too because he says he is still with this girl now because he lost his home, wife, family and "why would I get rid of her now, I don't have anyone else".
Wow - can't imagine having to stick with some annoying person I really didn't give a care about because I couldn't stand being alone!! But I guess if I was a .30 every night, it might make it easier- lol. I know it's not funny really - but after all these years if I can laugh instead of cry, I'm going to!!!
Still seeing attorney on Tuesday. He knows - he says he won't fight me on anything, blah blah blah. He really does look defeated - and super sad - but his choices, his consequences.
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