Furious with Counselor at IOP
I'm not quite sure what I can or can't share.
I had my first IOP session tonight and I was basically yelling at the counselor in my car on the way home.
When I showed up, nobody at reception. After start time, people are still milling around, apparently there's more than one night time thing going on because I see children. Counselor shows up and says I'll grab you in a minute. Err, ok.
I am reminded on Deeker's comment "What are you a high class drunk?" to someone who said their AA peoples looked questionable. I'm the only one not in torn jeans, tatts and without a penis. Yea! I do feel weird. One fellow asks how many hours I have to do for my DUI. Say what? What hours?
Find out everyone is there basically except 1-2 people for drug court. Who could that 1 be? I'm ok with this. I like a rougher crown, silly me for worrying I'd drop some swearing. Instead the group is excessively swearing. F-this, F-that, even words that start with C and spelled like Aunt. Counselor - I am fine with some swearing in heat of passion. This established group seemed to be making a sport of it. Some swearing? REALLY!? C WORD? What if I wasn't a super laid back chick? Most girls would be FURIOUS just on that - and it was said MORE THAN ONCE in front of counselor. OMG~!
One guy takes up over an hour, has had some serious ** I mean (oops, almost sweared) stuff to let out. We respected him. A break - counselor - I need to talk to you at break or after group. Ok, I stick around for the 15 minute break. 30 minutes later, group resumes sans one participant. No worries, seen that before. Counselor : I won't say who, but I sent someone home for nodding off and I don't care but they called me a **** behind my back.
Group : Gasp, no way! He wouldn't do that? What? (ME: Angry - 1. blown off for introductions, 2. What if this guy comes back next week? Where is the privacy? WHY if this counselor doesn't care are they sharing this unnecessary information to the group????) Anger starts.
Counselor: No obsessing on cell phones. Looking here n there A-OK. Good rule, yes, I agree. New member shares story. Mr. Sensational decides to share text message about his previous 1 hour share while this other person is sharing. Cell phone goes around the room, this guy is rudely interrupted in my mind, even counselor looks at it and gives a chuckle. What about this cell phone rule? This poor guy gets his turn and Mr. I've just talked an hour is sharing texts and then decides to give the poor guy his wisdom while texting. WHAT?! Angrier @ counselor for allowing this.
Racism : A member brings up how a poor part of town is becoming ***** and how they would never live there. (At this time, nobody knows why I'm there, where I live or my story). Others agree, (I'm offended but whatever, rough and tough crowd). Then shockingly - Counselor - Yea, when I was looking for place to live, I found a perfect one until I saw what town it was in.
I wanted to scream! How dare a PROFESSIONAL act like this? Especially with a newbie? WTH! What if I lived there, I DO have family there, and what if I had kids and husband there??? So 1/2 the group has left "other things to do" and we end early - counselor not feeling well. So this get to know each other brief one on one meeting we were supposed to have at break didn't happen or after group ---oh, Counselor says:"I'll see you next week!"
I snarked back "YEA."
I'm so angry - ANGRY, I nearly exploded at the meeting. If I attack the counselor I get dismissed. Other people are going to say their things, and be rude, but a counselor shouldn't be allowing racist crap happen - let alone add to it, let some guy interrupt other people's sharing with his "more important" texts to pass around and tell people why someone got dismissed (or that he was dismissed at all!) Just say he's left for the night.
I don't know, I want to quit, I want to call her boss. I want to stick it out. The first guy who shared made me feel like AA is not going to be so scary, and helps. But letting him dominate while other people shared - it's the counselor that needs to reign things in. I could express myself to counselor who makes mention of dismissing people - and I can just see it being twisted as though I just am being confrontational trying to leave IOP. I want IOP, but not with an unprofessional.
I nearly exploded during the group at the counselor. Counselor ended with Shy people should come to them if they want to bring up topics. This is all *** aimed at me because everyone else there awhile. I'm like how can I feel to share when someone else is dominating? I almost said "if this "shy" crap is for me, knock it off. I really didn't feel I had an opportunity to break in tonight given what is going on" - that sounds lots nicer than what I would've said, I held my tongue smile and nodded.
I'm not sure what I want to do. I feel like going to the guy who screened me and saying - place me with someone else, but it was the only local night IOP.
I honestly haven't been this angry at someone else in a long time. I remember being ANGRY about that all-inclusive I was at, but it was because I (ME!) couldn't drink, not really directed at someone else's behavior so to speak.
I got home, ate, vented, and I'm at a loss of what to do here. I absolutely am not making this up. I liked the IOP I had last time, this was just plain insanity and judgmental. What IF someone of that race was in that meeting? What if the guy dismissed comes back after thinking about why he was dismissed? What if I want to share and now I have to worry about being overshadowed by somebody who'd rather do something else even distracting my time with group/counselor.
Seemed like the guys were OK with this - maybe the similar backgrounds, no idea. Maybe because they all court ordered to be there, they don't complain. Maybe guys don't care.
If anyone thinks I shared too much information- I'll edit, I don't know, I'm not naming names, races, cities, or anything. I tried to be vague.
What to do what to do. This isn't normal, that is for sure. I had IOP in 2008 and did 3-4 weeks. No issues!