Oh Liz, i sympathize with you! I too have counted pills. I'm not proud of it, but I felt I had to do it at the time. Ya know, it did nothing for me but exacerbate my anxiety. Sigh...
I'm still not very good and controlling my fear and anxiety, but some of the things I do are
-Recite the 3 Cs
-Call a friend and talk about anything but AH and I.
-Go for a walk.
-Practice pilates.
-Take a nap.
-Snuggle my cat. (even if he hates it!)
-Remind myself that his problems are his problems, my problem is me.
Fear is really tough stuff. Hang in there!