Fear
I know this is a touchy subject but I wanted to ask how everyone else deals with fear especially when it comes to the A in their lives. My AH has been very up and down lately and sleeping during the day(which I attribute to depression) and then sleeping in in the AM, etc. He just seems off. He's out of town until later today, just left last night for a quick trip but something in my gut was nudging me to check his prescription pill bottles, which I've never done before.
He takes Strattera, Paxil, and Ambien. All pills were prescribed for a 90 day time period. I counted the pills because, well I'm codependent, and because I could tell just by looking at the bottles that there were an uneven number of certain pills. He has 50 Paxil pills vs only 11 Ambien pills left, and 19 Strattera.
I know better than to confront an A about this kind of stuff because I already know how they will make up stories, blow you off, etc. Also, I know he keeps some pills in a travel container in his laptop bag so I don't know how many are there, either. It just seems like something is up.
I know that more will be revealed, I know to mind my own business, etc but when fear creeps in and you worry that he will be found dead of an overdose, that's when I get all crazy in the head. I guess I sometimes forget that he takes these meds mainly because he doesn't drink everyday and I don't sit there and pay attention to how much he's taking or when he's taking them, etc. I just needed to share my fear somewhere. All of my Al Anon friends are at work and I am actually going in to my therapist this afternoon, thank goodness. I just hate how I feel when fear creeps in: the sick to my stomach feeling, the anxiety, the lightheadedness....blech.