I have lots in common with you, Sam. No drinking ever, ever again, no matter what, is certainly a clear instruction to be simply followed, and the degree of difficulty is completely up to me - easy or hard, the choice is mine. The execution is only as difficult as I choose to make it.
I am not suspicious of any thought about controlled drinking, it is the same as any other thought of drinking - there is no doubt or uncertainty in my mind what those thoughts can lead to if I were to follow them.
I also feel that self awareness and mindfulness, and acceptance too, are powerful tools for sobriety and for mental health in general. Maybe when this life lesson was being taught I was out having a coupla beers.