Thank you so much for this post. My parents are narcissists and my mother is borderline and an alcoholic, as well. I knew something wasn't right in my FOO for a long time, but I finally got an understanding of it all when I did extensive therapy in my twenties.
I had a cathartic experience today. My employer (who I also consider to be a very dear friend) came into the office today sobbing and asked me to listen to a recording. The recording was of a conversation her 10 year old daughter was having with her aunt. (my employer's husband's sister). The daughter has been telling my employer that she no longer wanted to spend any time with her aunt because she makes her feel terrible and weird although she hasn't been able to give any examples and on the outset, the aunt looks to be a very involved, spoiling, loving kind of a lady. The daughter secretly taped the conversation so her mother could understand what she was talking about. The conversation was a cunning, manipulative example of emotional abuse, guilt inducement and control. The kind of conversations I was raised with as a child by my parents. My employer was sobbing and basically flogging herself for ever letting her daughter be exposed to such cruelty. I know her daughter will be fine because she has been validated and will be protected from now forward. I strangely felt validated myself by seeing how upset the conversation had made my friend. It once again showed me how wrong it was how my sister and I were treated as children. This does not make me feel bitter, but relieved that the bruises of emotional abuse are recognized for what they are and that actually feels good and freeing.