Originally Posted by Jaded623

I just started regularly attending Al-Anon meetings this past December. I was advised by someone I used to be close with, that I needed to get a sponsor ASAP and he also suggested who I should ask. I gathered up the courage to ask her, and she said yes...which really made me feel like I was going in the right path. I had no idea really what this new relationship entailed, and I guess that's something I should have talked to her about from the very start. I did meet with her a few times, and we would talk pretty regularly via text, or at meetings. She just recently started giving me assignments, and I was doing them... I did share with her a conversation that I had with my mother, and she said she "highly recommended" that I go on a black out starting now, meaning I was to stop having contact with her. My mother is currently newly sober (again), but this is something I honestly can NOT do... at least when she is sober.

Well this week, I haven't really talked to my sponsor... It's been a tough week, and I guess I kind of "fell off the al-anon wagon" for a week. I lost my license in the beginning of the week for medical reasons, and found out one of my former students who I was very close to, was near death and wanted me to visit her (over an hour away). I was so overwhelmed with getting rides, asking for help, accepting that I will not have a license for 60 days... and then after seeing my student, I just shut down for a couple of days.

Once I realized I needed to get out of my rut, I sent my sponsor a friendly text and got no response. Right away, I thought, is she mad at me??? But then convinced myself that I was being paranoid, and so I texted her again tonight. She responded that when I got a chance, I needed to call her... so I did.

She then preceded to tell me that she has been advised to longer be my sponsor, and that she isn't able to give me what I need. She also said she would be more than willing to suggest some other people to be my sponsor if I liked.... I felt completely blindsided! At this point, I am holding back my tears, and all I really asked was what should I be looking for in a sponsor, because I really didn't know. She responded that I seem really into the ACOA stuff, and maybe I should try that. But that was it?!? No real reasoning as to why she doesn't want to be my sponsor anymore!

A friend of mine suggested that maybe she felt that I wasn't doing my part, or following her direction... but then why wouldn't you tell me that???

I feel so abandoned, embarrassed, hurt, rejected... and honestly, it's just turned me off to the whole al-anon program. Why would I want to be apart of something that makes me feel uncomfortable and completely paranoid as to what others are thinking of me. It's going to take me a LONG time until I have the courage to ask anyone to be my sponsor again. I feel like a 5 year old right now... I sobbed for the first hour or so, and now I'm starting to just feel anger.

My feelings are really hurt, and I just feel like I have to start all over.... (and I wasn't even far)

Anyone have any words of wisdom???