No Closure
I haven't been on here in a while. A lot has happened in the last 7 months. After a talk my AH and I had, I knew there was no chance of him getting the help he needs because he believes there is no problem. I should just accept his drinking because he provides for us. He is the "functioning" kind so to speak. He thought we were just going to separate. However, after our "talk" I saw an attorney to start divorce proceedings and took half the money out of our accounts. I advised him that there was a 120 waiting period for the divorce process and that if he wanted to get help I would be willing to see how things go and possibly cancel the divorce proceedings. A few days later he realized I actually had taken half of the funds and he was irate with me. I came home that evening and he verbally assaulted me and pushed me around and held me hostage in my own home. I was finally able to get out. I called the police to get some of things out of the home so I could go to work the next day. Since I left 7 months ago, he has not spoken to me once. He has only blamed me for the divorce (because he only wanted to separate). I have gotten some blaming emails and he even sent my parents a letter about his thoughts on why our relationship ended including the fact that he needs demonstrated affection and words of encouragement on a regular basis which I was not able to provide. (I wonder why) As for his drinking, he basically dismisses it. Because we all know that I am the cause of his drinking at least in part because his job also causes him to drink and the economy, etc. He never apologized to me for the hateful words he spoke to me as well as physically pushing me around and scaring me to death. I was afraid for my life and I never was before. He never once asked for me to come back to work things out. He never once said he was willing to get the help he needs or even attempt to quit. In the beginning I worried about him but not so much anymore. I also ruined his relationship with his family (not true) because I finally told them the truth. His brother already rarely had contact with him because he had already discussed the issue with him a few times. The issue I have is will I ever get to tell him how I really feel about the things he put me through? Will I ever get closure on our relationship if he won't talk to me. I was never able to speak about how I felt because I was always shut down - He didn't want to talk, I wasn't allowed to raise my voice because he has depression and it makes him feel bad, I wasn't allowed to cry, if I did then I was doing it on purpose to hurt him. Now he just acts like I don't exist. He appears at work to be just torn to pieces over the divorce but I am not privy to any of his sadness from my departure. Is this normal? I am seeing a counselor. She advised to wait until the divorce is final and send him a letter asking him not to return a letter because this would be for me and my closure to once and for all get my feelings out there without being shot down. I look forwarding to hearing your thoughts.