Hi Zula,
I am going through all the usual emotions from the break up, I miss the cuddles and the hanging out, but I LOVE LOVE my space, and the fact his expensive habits not costing me, I didn't realise how much of the meals, and take outs I was paying for him, and how much he mooched off me, 2 showers a day, running the fan 24/7 5-6 meals per week plus lunches I was paying for -- he would raid my pantry to make his lunches..and I had to drive him everywhere....
its not easy when you also have to realise you are enabling or rescuing, but its VERY difficult to kick someone out as well, especially with their needs and excuses.. SJ had a bad heart, and always having bad days at work, and I realise,.. every time I needed some space or "me time" he seemed to have extra bad days at work, or ill, or a sick friend, or family member.... until one day I ran into a workmate, and during conversation the "mate" was indicating that my BF was the difficult one.. not all the bosses and staff whom he frequently complained about and was often and excuse to drink.
I remember now, one time I tried to split with him, he almost read my mind and cheerfully announced I could finally meet his parents- dinner was arranged.. or another time, literally he was pulled over for speeding and going to lose his driving privaleges, and I was completely too soft to dump him after that.. I felt too mean.
Zulu.. typing stuff out.. really highlights in your mind how sneaky the nature of addiction is.. and it creeps in so subtly..