My anxiety is through the roof. I am sick as a dog and only have one more week of work to go. We're in the process of setting up our new dental office. There's a message on the machine that explains to people that we will be closed until March 31st. We've had a couple of emergencies and both of these people were total jerks to me when I called them back. Part of it is because of the way my boss handles them. She's rude and condescending and then I do damage control. One guy spent $9,000 on his dental work and it is failing. He is going to sue her. Not my problem.....I know......but I don't even want to tell her about it right now. I've always tried to help him and he was a real dick to me on the phone, when I'm calling him at 8:00 at night to see how he's doing.
There is so much to do it's overwhelming and I have to accept that some stuff is not going to get done and it's not all going to be perfect. What is so hard about that? Why do I care so much?
I just keep telling myself that I have to get through the next week and it will be over. Then I start beating myself up about how I should have quit this job long ago. I can't sleep and it's affecting my relationship because I am a total basket case--irritable and emotional and irrational. I know I could just say f-it but I have to see it through. I have to do it for myself. To know that I did the right thing and did a good job. All of these perfectionistic self-loathing thoughts keep going through my head. Nothing is helping. Meditation, deep breathing, etc......I want to numb out so badly. I am gripped by fear and am having a real problem controlling my racing thoughts.
I don't even know the point of this post. All of this BS means nothing in the big scheme of things and I'm being a drama queen. Why am I flipping out? I guess it's because even though I've done my best to help people, when problems arise they don't hesitate to #*$& all over me. I don't want to sound like a victim, but I feel so powerless right now. I am having a hard time detaching. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH
