Originally Posted by
DaveyT 
Thanks guys. I had worked myself up thinking I was failing because of these cravings. It might seem really odd but it's nice to know I can expect these cravings. Until now I really thought maybe I had some other stuff going on but if cravings can last for years I know I'm normal (relatively speaking) and that makes things a lot easier.
I have to say for a while I thought maybe I was suffering a relapse that isn't normal and just means I should end up in a bottle. Relating your experiences has been very helpful. I guess I'll just have to accept the fact that I can stay sober for ages but occasionally I'll have some cravings I need to deal with.
Apropos of nothing this makes me think of the notion of free will. The entire universe seems to run like a very complex clock; gravity is the same in our galaxy as it is in a neighboring galaxy. If everything is material, is it reasonable to think we aren't? Of course, many scientists think there is genuine chaos in the universe, things that are beyond merely complex but truly random. Quantum mechanics does seem to have some odd randomness thrown in with the general weirdness of it. But even if there is true randomness, and therefore no hard predestination, that doesn't necessarily mean we're in control.
Ultimately it
feels like I have free will. The only practical way to live is to live as though the choices we make are important.
Why as I babbling on about freewill vs destiny? Because I refuse to acknowledge the idea that our fates are beyond our control. You absolutely aren't predestined to relapse, at least I don't believe that. Many things in the universe are out of my control; I could get hit by a bus or a plane could land on my house while I sleep. I guess I'm okay with that- I don't like it but you can't go crazy worrying about stuff that's out of your hands. However, that just reinforces the importance in making the most of the decisions that
are in our control. If I did ultimately decide to drink it would be my decision, not one I have to make. And I have decided not to drink anymore.