Hawkeye, I know it must seem like I'm going "back for more", but truly, I just keep hoping for the best; to enjoy the good moments and pray that maybe things can work out and he'll stop.
I start to question myself, wondering whether I'm too sensitive or can't take a joke. then I get mad that I'm questioning myself, because the so-called joke WAS mean. Then I find myself asking you guys, "is he really being mean" or is it me? If he's trying to make me doubt myself, his tactic is working (somewhat). I DO know that his alcoholism is at the center of everything and I have to remember that.
Still, I keep wondering why he would choose to use this insult. He knows that I love family and that I am family oriented (even though I've lost most of my small family). So, he knows my sensitivities. But I keep asking myself why? why be mean to someone that has loved and cared about you? He knows that I want the drinking to stop. maybe that's an insult to his best friend (alcohol) and that's a reason to lash back at me.
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest and think it all through.