That link was quite good, so thinking I need to work on.. well I do not want to give ultimatums, if i calmly end the relationship, I need to mean it and not use it as a "stop drinking or it is over" but end it, but I guess I need to know if the time is right, or wait and see if he decides to fight it himself.. so difficult if I am still slightly unsure of his drinking.. it is a good deal less since it is banned here and he spends a lot of time here, but not sure if i "wait a few months and really figure it out- he may well have been genuinely tired tonight hence not wanting me to visit.. AND I "admit" i drove the long way to the shops for ice cream past his house and it was all closed lights off.
Does it make me a bad person to be "checking" up on him, working situations to see if I can catch him in a lie, as I see it the more I catch him regardless of how irate or calm I handle it- he was at one point more effective at deceit the more I confronted him about the bottles.
When we broke up the first time, it was actually because I caught him stealing money of me $50, and instead of saying 'hey I saw you slip that in your pocket- we were having a play with the camera phone and I grabbed it out his pocket with the intent to dislodge and it fell out- he quickly said his dad gave it to him even though i saw him steal it an hour before.
I sat on it for 3 days and then ended it. He still has not admitted taking it, but admitted he had a drinking problem and lying and can see why i had wanted to.
I think I am starting to get things of my chest now rather than think clearly.
I checked in Australia.. my local al anon meeting place is about 40 mins from here. it might be a good idea to pop along.. or to ring first?