honeypig

This ^^^. What purpose does it serve for you to keep tabs on him, text him, accept his texts, check FB for news about him? This is absolutely not staying on your side of the street. You are only making yourself feel worse.

I understand you feel bad, you're lonesome, you're in a tough place right now, and I'm sorry for that, but it's temporary pain for long-term gain. It seems to me like maybe you're keeping the lines of communication open b/c A) you hope he will miraculously turn into the person you want him to be (not too likely, sadly) and return to you, admitting his mistakes, or B) he will crash and burn, thereby justifying your leaving him. Again, I understand both of these things, hoping for a miracle as well as wanting confirmation that leaving was the right thing to do. However, both of those take the focus off of YOU, where it should be.

Let him go, Melly; turn him over to his HP--none of us can know what the future holds for our A's, any more than we can know what it holds for ourselves. Keep your energies and focus on your own new life. One day at a time. You'll get there.

Wishing you strength and clarity.