Here is what I see ...
"notincontrol" "my case" "I could swear I have tried" "I can not" "I am in the rut" "I drunk" "when I say drank, I mean heavy duty drinking with heavy duty consequences" "I screw up" "I blame myself" "I blame God" "something wrong with me" "I see a Psychiatrist" "psych ward" "rehab"
You are poisoning yourself with your own self-perception. Time to reframe your reality.
The hard truth is that you appear to be on a mission to prove to yourself that nothing works, that you are a "case" and a hard and hopeless one at that.
You are none of the above. You are a powerful and intelligent human being and you are in control of the choices you make. You don't need programs or shrinks or rehab or psych wards. All you need is in your own head. You need to change your perception of yourself. That is all.
I know of this woman who has been in and out, in and out, of treatment programs for her alcohol addiction for literally YEARS. Every time I turn around she's in detox or in rehab or seeing a new shrink or getting an ambulance ride to or from somewhere. What a sucky life. And every time she gets ON the wagon and then falls OFF the wagon she is rekindling her addiction, which only makes it more powerful and damages her brain more. I would rather go back to being a full-fledged drunk than be like her -- continually failing, over and over, at the same thing. And of course she is spending tens of thousands on all these therapeutic adventures.
The answer is: That the Answer is not in any book or treatment or AA group or pill.
The Answer lies in YOU. If YOU want to quit, then you can. Period.
I am not giving you a lecture, what I am trying to do is tell you a great secret that few people seem to know. There is a short cut through all the programs and steps and other crap, and it is right in your own heart and head and easy to get at. There is NOTHING wrong with you. Absolutely NOTHING. You are complete in yourself and you can walk out of this right now just by making a choice. Believe it. Belief in yourself is the key that turns in the lock that opens the door that gets you out.