I, too, read a LOT more good and positive things in there than negative... but what stood out to me was... the NPD side of things you also had and have to deal with in him. And having kids together, he will have a connection with you (and USE it) for the rest of your life while you or he are on this earth. I totally understand what you mean by PTSD from it. I, too, had to endure an entire lifetime of it with my sister and up until our Mother died 4 years ago, I had to have ties to her. Now I don't and the detachment and no contact has set me free. You, ont he other hand, can't do that because you will always have the "kid connection". If I were you, I would see a therapist that can help you recognize and cope with the NPD part of things. You may find yourself laughing on day at his antics when trying to tear you down (I know I got to that point... finally!)