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Old 03-11-2014, 07:47 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
CodeJob
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hi Praying,

I can totally relate to your comment, "Now, it's the agony of meeting myself and my life without the denial, more every day. ... while I wasn't drinking or drugging with my A, I realize was still quite numb for a very long time. Can I say OUCH? And this is only about me, so there's no pretending to hide."

You've tackled a lot. But it seems like you look at that impressive list and feel like the boulder is about to sweep you off the trail... Have you thought that you are just battle fatigued? I had some depression this winter. I think I finally trusted my H's sobriety enough to let myself realize that I am worn out and I need to regroup for my own well being. This time instead of dealing with DS and H, I am working inwards on me.

Today at lunch I plan to go outside for a 15 minute walk just to be sure I get a bit of Vitamin D the natural way. If you are where this warm front is, sit outside in the sun for 10-15 minutes and just try to empty your mind. It has been stretching and accepting, learning and adapting, pushing off stress and making a lot of decisions. Your mind just might need to rest a bit. Have you talked to your MD? They might be able to help you discern if an antidepressant or herbal OTC might be worth trying to help you push through this worn out feeling. It could be even something off in your labs from dealing with too much stress (thyroid, hormone imbalance, adrenals off, low D, etc.). I did start a SSRI antidepressant and it has helped me considerably.

Hugs. You have come so far. It is OK to rest a little here and there on this journey. Resting is not denial. Rest is just rest. Its like stretching your legs at a rest stop on a long drive. You go to the bathroom, empty the car's trash, get a fresh drink, walk around, people/dog watch, then eventually settle back into the driver's seat and drive another few hours on your journey.

Peace and hugs!
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