As I was reclaiming my identity and getting to know "that stranger called ME", I found I was surprised at what I found sometimes, but it was all good. Others were not sure what was happening, the person I had always been was morphing into the person I wanted to me and it confused them. That did not stop me and working my recovery was making me a better, happier, healthier person every day.
How did I reclaim my identity?
I made a list of things "I" wanted to do and made a commitment to myself to do them...hobby photography, nature studies and bird watching. The time I used to spend running in circles trying to save my son, who was never mine to save...was filled with healthy hobbies that got me outdoors and out of myself and away from that dark cloud of addiction that had hung over my family for years.
I went to meetings not just for the recovery program, but to meet people who I felt safe with and who I could share my hopes and dreams with and they understood. I had become an "isolator" and made myself get out each day and interact with people, even if it was just the shop keeper or a neighbour I met on the street. I learned the difference between isolation and solitude.
I said "no" when I meant it and "let me think on that and get back to you" when I felt I was saying "yes" too quickly.
I prayed. Funny how telling God what I needed could help me discover what I needed to do for myself. Many times as I prayed, I could hear God saying "You can do that" "This one is yours to figure out" and "You have the answers, take quiet time to find them".
I gave myself a break. I no longer needed to please everyone else all of the time. Just being the best person I knew how to be, warts and all, was enough. If I was the best person I know how to be, then what others thought of me no longer mattered because what I thought of myself had become the most important thought of all.
Great thread blackandblue, a good reminder "to thine own self be true".
Hugs