Thank you all. Liferecovery, it's helpful to hear that it eventually got better for you. I've been pretty desolate this week. Maybe someday...
Today was sunny and warm. Tomorrow will be as well, and I'm also going to force myself to go to work. (Un)fortunately that's often optional for me since I can work from home. Went for a walk with a friend, invited another to dinner. I know I'm not alone, but sometimes I still don't want to do this!
I figured something out.
During my split, there was the horrible pain of the breakup, the loss of dreams, the unknown, the agony of "failing" and giving up. One level of pain that wrenched my soul.
Now, it's the agony of meeting myself and my life without the denial, more every day. Looking in the mirror and accepting every new piece that's unveiled. Wondering what happened to the last 20 years and how I got here. Hoping to shed the last bits of the nightmare and unable to because of the kids. It's a whole different level of agony, because while I wasn't drinking or drugging with my A, I realize was still quite numb for a very long time. Can I say OUCH? And this is only about me, so there's no pretending to hide.
Thanks again.
This time next year...?